The Piccolo Player

From the great Moms Mabley, who gave the world words to live by: "Don’t start none, and there won’t be none!

 

There is this preacher who has a big  revival meeting scheduled. The hall is rented and everything is in place until the organ player has to leave town (something about a choirgirl or boy anyway he had to leave fast). The piano player has a hangnail and can’t do it, the guitar player’s stoned. He can’t find anybody to play for the service that night.

He sends the deacon to canvas the crowd and find out if there is a musician that is willing to play. Right before the service begins the deacon brings up this little old man and says "This guy says he’s a piccolo player and he has it with him." There isn’t time to do anything but go on with what he has so they set the little old man and his piccolo up near the altar and prepare to make the best of the situation.

Things start out bad. The man doesn’t know the hymns that the preacher is calling for and his sight reading is awful. The tone of the instrument is piercing and unpleasant. The preacher determines to soldier through. Ignoring the horrid sounds coming from the piccolo, he continues to preach. They come to another hymn and right in the middle of the song somebody from the congregation shouts out:

"The piccolo player’s a motherfucker!"

There is stunned silence in the hall. The preacher doesn’t know quite how to deal with this. He tries to start the singing again but before he can make much headway there’s another shout from the congregation:

"The piccolo player’s a motherfucker!"

Silence again. The preacher is now thoroughly pissed off. He glares out over the congregation and says:

"We are here to worship God. We are supposed to control our tongues better. Who was it that just called my piccolo player a motherfucker?"

Silence.

"Will the man what called my piccolo player a motherfucker, will he raise his hand?"

Silence.

"Then, will the man sittin’ next to the man that called my piccolo player a motherfucker, will he raise his hand?"

Nothing.

"Then will the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man who called my piccolo player a motherfucker, will he raise his hand?"

Silence.

"Then will the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man who called my piccolo player a motherfucker, will he raise his hand?"

All the way in the back, a man rises.

The preachers asks "Why did you call my piccolo player a motherfucker during this service dedicated to God?"

The man says "Preacher, you misunderstand me. I am not the man who called your piccolo player a motherfucker. I’m not the man sittin next to the man who called your piccolo player a motherfucker. I’m not the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man who called your piccolo player a motherfucker. I’m not even the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man sittin next to the man sittin Next To The MAN, who called your piccolo player a motherfucker."

The preacher says "Then why you standin here?"

The man says "Preacher, I want to know, who called that Motherfucker a piccolo player?"

Yes, another church joke but I can’t help myself!!!